My Own Biggest Fan

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Lip Balm and Carrion.

May 21, 2009

Offensive content.

At the urging of Craig Hockenberry I’ve sent Apple a (hasty and sloppily written) letter telling them how displeased I am that I can use a program that allows me to see “offensive content”

I am concerned with the irresponsibility that Apple has shown in bundling a program that is obviously capable of delivering pornographic and dangerous content. Of course I am talking about the Safari web browser. It’s unfortunate that you are obviously overlooking your own faults, while diligently protecting our fragile sensibilities on the front created by third party apps and awful programs like Eucalyptus and the Nine Inch Nails applications. I can’t even delete Safari if I tried!

Also at fault is your Mail program. Did you know that there are people sending UNSOLICITED EMAILS, telling me they want to enlarge my “manhood”? And young ladies that want to engage in sexual intercourse with me “right now”? Disgraceful that you allow such miscreants to infringe on my right to a squeaky clean iPhone experience.

I expect a prompt and biblical response to this seemingly unending parade of filth.

I await their response.

Category: Showandtell

Tagged:

  • Susie

    Yay! What the hell is biblical response?

  • http://myownbiggestfan.org Mason

    That should have read: “I expect a prompt response of biblical proportions”

    Like I said, I wrote it pretty quickly.

  • Susie

    Oh, I was hoping for something like a sacrifice to appease you.

  • http://www.squidpod.com squidpod

    Dear Mr. Hastie,
    Thank you for thy letter, Dost thou not recognize thy creator? I was there at the beginning when Eve plucked the Apple and I decreed That shall be the name of my computer company. and I saw it was good. Though your sarcastic prayer has reached mine ears I say this unto you I am Beta and Omega 1.0 to 100.5.x I have removed sin and temptation from thy world, for I love thee. Truly you have been swayed by the dark prince Trent Reznor. But knowest thou my forgiveness.

    And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.— Matthew 5:29

    Sincerely Steve Jobs

    P.S. Available soon: iGouge

Attempts to Compartmentalize.